For Your 9 Months…

For Your 9 months.

My Mother. Phenomenal woman. A woman of virtue

I aspire and admire you, I could not walk a mile in your shoe

Strength is who you are

With a mother like mine I am destined to go far

I love you. Day in day out I saw your struggle and pain

To feed and cloth us, playing both roles despite the storm or rain.

I can not thank you enough, for scarifying “to be loved” for “love”.

A decade of his departure but you never walked away when it got rough or tough.

This is “love”. Sorry for the pain the men caused you or us

You taught me  independence, strength and that no loss is a loss

A “loss” is only a lesson so just take it to God

That I can fight with God who is stronger than any iron rod

At 11 I promised I will wipe your tears away

All you wanted was my success and I finish in May.

I could not mend your broken heart or stop you tears

For your 9 months,  I promised you success, greatness and to remove your fears.

 

A Letter to My Mother

A Mothers Love?

Unconditional love  – A love that has the power to fight through any battle and hardship.

For your 9 months,  I put you first because another could not love me like you do.

Would another  put me before their own ? NO … So I put you first.

I yearn for the days when you were happy, the days before the abuse, pain, tears, sleepless nights and heart ache.

We fought through some stormy days, you and I hand in hand but your love kept me fighting … it kept me strong.

I hated the way he spoke to you, the way he grabbed you and treated you but for years you endured it for our “love” – you would say  “For the sake of my children”…

As a young girl I hated the absence of a father and thought you were evil but really you were protecting our hearts and mind. I used to wish you could make our family right  and accept him into the family again.

But I am a woman now, I understand the pain to “love” a man, I understand the physical, mental and emotional pain  his “love” brought to you and to us. The toxicity in the house was beyond you, me – us so you picked “our love” over being “loved” which so many women can not do, so I can never stop loving you.

Alone. You and I, I saw your pain, the pain from two men you “love”

I wiped your tears and instead of the second I took the role of your first child, a father and husband.

For your 9 months of sweat and pain,  At 11 I promised “we will be okay”.

You were deprived of the “love” of a man and your father so I promise for your 9 months I will always love you.

With me you are safe, you can be a child again and when the storm is over we can laugh again so for your 9 months I never gave up & never give up on you.

At 6AM. The alarm would ring it’s time to get ready for placement, to get home at 8pm through winter all through to summer.

I tell you it was not easy, many days I would want to give up then I would look to the image on the left of my bed (above) and remember I have a smile to put on your face.

For your 9 months, you were my motivation to get through education.  All you wanted from me was not to make the same mistake and to make a future for myself so I did it for you and I because at 11 I promised “we will be okay”.

It all became a habit those long days and those night shifts. The days I could not do it, you would pray for me and tell me how proud you were and that is all I needed to keep me going.

For your 9 months, I could not bring  shame to your name because a mothers love is no game.

A mother that would spend her last penny to feed you, with no man and no job but still  keep a roof over your head?  Phenomenal woman.

You stood strong when things got rough and never said you could not do it so how can I turn around and say I can not do it?

The strongest woman I know, my love for you is unconditional because you showed me the meaning of true “love” .

You deprived yourself of the finer things in life, to give us life so one day I promise,  you you will see the finer finer things in life.

Thank you for believing in me when he did not.

Thank you for the greatest gift Gods Love – Nights you would drag us to church, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday casting your burdens unto him. Through it all I held unto Gods love which is the best “love” , thank you for showing me “love”.

For your 9 months, I will bring you joy.

xoxo

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” – 1 John 4 vs. 8.